twenty-somethings.

some friends and i often talk about what a weird/ambiguous stage in life being a "twenty-something" really is. that, and the fact that no one seriously prepares you for it.

it's about to be the three year anniversary of when we graduated college. three years! and in these three years i've floated back and forth between feelings of complete aimlessness and loss of passion, to feeling on top of the world and excited for what is to come.

i graduated very much an idealist and have slowly felt myself becoming more of a realist (whether that's a good thing or not i'm still deciding.) i also graduated determined to not stay in orange county (or any place, for that matter) for more than a year and yet three years later, here i am. i never thought i'd get married at 24 and here i am. i thought of my job as a temporary situation when i took it, and i'm still there.

however, i'm okay with it all. i've come to terms with the fact that maybe this is where i am supposed to be right now. that "changing the world" and all of the things that i was determined to do three years ago might look a lot like loving on some orange county high school students for some more time than i planned. and, that the community we've built here isn't something that i want to take lightly.

what's next is still so undetermined and yes, that scares me. a lot. however what i do know is that i'm not okay with being stagnant. i want to keep learning, keep pushing, and keep questioning my purpose in the world. i also know that this stage might last quite awhile longer, and that i need to learn how to embrace it and love it in all of it's ambiguity and uncertainty.

i'm curious if anyone else feels this way? how do you or have you dealt with your twenties?

‎

"Have patience with everything unresolved and try to love the questions themselves."

- Rilke

real men.

who knew sean penn, j. timberlake and ashton kutcher could get any sexier?

if you haven't already, check out demi & ashton's fight against human trafficking here.

or you can read up on the issue here, here and here.

education is so important. may it lead us to action.

let the lover be.

a little while back i had a few students present me with this quote:

“Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absent-minded. Someone sober will worry about events going badly.

Let the lover be.” -Rumi

"it's so you!" they told me. and i loved it.

but somewhere in the past year i've gotten away from this little mantra. i worry too much. i've become self-indulgent. my life is filled with too much clutter and stress about things that really just don't matter. my free spirit isn't a part of me the way that it used to be.

and i know that a part of this is merely just growing up. adulthood creeping in on me and it's normal that i'm not as carefree as i was when i was 18 or 19 and that's okay. plus with the addition of a husband, i can't be as selfish as i once was. i'm a part of an "us" now and i am responsible to another human being.

however i am drawing a line. i've become a slave to clutter, baggage and excess. and i've become too comfortable. it's time to simplify. get back to my roots.

how? what does that really look like? i'm not sure. i'm trying to decide if it needs to be something as dramatic as a tangible getting rid of "stuff" that keeps me from being me, or if it can be merely an attitude shift (i say that as if changing your attitude is an easy thing..) but something needs to be done because i'm finding that my over indulgent and cluttered self isn't as good as loving as i once was, and that is unacceptable. i was created to love. i'm a lover, and beyond that nothing else really matters.

san fran with my wombies

circa 2007

picturassss.

a few pictures from last week's trip.

(thanks to my beautiful and talented student sabrina)

the amazing people who make my job so. much. fun.

i've been so sick this past week, mexico put me on my death bed. but i'm ready to rejoin the human race, so here's hoping this nasty cough goes away soon.

home, never to be the same again.

my favorite work trip to date.

it's good to be home (and clean) but so much of me is still in mexico.

transitioning back into "normal" life is never easy for me, and neither is explaining the ways that i've changed on trips to those who weren't there transforming along with me. every trip i take really does change me and this time around was no exception. i'm so in love with the life i've been given and the people who have been placed in my path.

students that make me laugh harder than ever. the cutest little ninos in the world. witnessing miracles. lots of prayer. lots of fish tacos. a beautiful house built in four days. mexican ice cream. no showers. off-roading in the back of pickup trucks on sand dunes. whales off the shore. bonfires and fireworks. sleeping on the beach. the encouragement that i needed. karaoke and a dance party. the countryside of baja. not taking enough pictures. tears for my seniors. my students and our volunteers feeling so much like family, and so much love.

1. border crossing.

2. my diet for the past six days.

3. best shopping place.

4. the sweetest girl in the world.

5. the amazing sand dunes.

6. my students cracking me up.

south of the border.

rolling sand dunes and beautiful mexican children and the worlds best fish tacos and seeing my students work hard to build up another house.

i remember upon arrival last year i felt like i was coming home.

see you in the morning, san quintin.

and see you all again friday, friends.