lately i've been thinking a lot about honesty and transparency and what that should look like on this little blog of mine. i've been finding it so easy to hide the dark and only show the pretty.
(as if my life is solely date nights and colorful pictures and happy stories.)
and while i think there is nothing wrong with sharing in our joys and the nice and simple things of life (and don't think that all of my dirty laundry necessarily needs to be aired out on the internet) i do want to be real and genuine and a little more stimulating.
with that said, dear readers, you must know that i am totally and completely devastated by what is happening in japan (as i know most of you are as well.) i've been finding myself having little breakdowns throughout the day, not wanting to do much of anything besides watch the news and cry. in the moments that i'm able to escape that feeling (like watching brad give out the final rose, or enjoying an americano and cake pop at starbucks) i am shortly after flooded with guilt. it's affecting my relationships and my daily activities and i have no idea how to mourn all of this.
in college i took a class called the african american experience (my favorite class ever), and the professor brought to light something that comes back to me often. he taught us that joy and pain can coexist, and i've had to relearn that lesson over and over again. God wants us to mourn, but he also wants us to dance. what does that looks like right now? i have no idea. but does wallowing in my guilt do anything to help anybody? nope. so i press on. i pray. i choose to let my pain turn to action (somehow, someway) and rejoice in the little victories.
little victories like:
1. finally putting wedding pictures up in our home. 2. getting this text from chad proving that he actually loves the bachelor. 3. coming to work to find that my five year old friend left me love notes. 4. helping that five year old with her homework.