Tuesday, March 15, 2011

little victories.

lately i've been thinking a lot about honesty and transparency and what that should look like on this little blog of mine. i've been finding it so easy to hide the dark and only show the pretty.
(as if my life is solely date nights and colorful pictures and happy stories.)
and while i think there is nothing wrong with sharing in our joys and the nice and simple things of life (and don't think that all of my dirty laundry necessarily needs to be aired out on the internet) i do want to be real and genuine and a little more stimulating.

with that said, dear readers, you must know that i am totally and completely devastated by what is happening in japan (as i know most of you are as well.) i've been finding myself having little breakdowns throughout the day, not wanting to do much of anything besides watch the news and cry. in the moments that i'm able to escape that feeling (like watching brad give out the final rose, or enjoying an americano and cake pop at starbucks) i am shortly after flooded with guilt. it's affecting my relationships and my daily activities and i have no idea how to mourn all of this.

in college i took a class called the african american experience (my favorite class ever), and the professor brought to light something that comes back to me often. he taught us that joy and pain can coexist, and i've had to relearn that lesson over and over again. God wants us to mourn, but he also wants us to dance. what does that looks like right now? i have no idea. but does wallowing in my guilt do anything to help anybody? nope. so i press on. i pray. i choose to let my pain turn to action (somehow, someway) and rejoice in the little victories.

little victories like:

1. finally putting wedding pictures up in our home. 2. getting this text from chad proving that he actually loves the bachelor. 3. coming to work to find that my five year old friend left me love notes. 4. helping that five year old with her homework.
5. the above mentioned cake pop (delicious). 6. staying in the heart of la to celebrate this pretty lady's 25th. 7. skyping with my sister. 8. heaven in ice-cream form.


marisa said...

Thank you for this reminder. This is beautiful and perfect and exactly what I needed to hear too. I constantly find myself feeling guilty when I'm enjoying life during this devastating time for Japan. <3 We can only do and mourn so much and then it stops helping anyone anymore.

jamie-lee said...

It is sad, so sad what's been happening in Japan - I keep reading the news every day since in hope for something good to come out of all the bad.

Ashley Somawang said...

Like you my eyes have been glued to the computer keeping up with what is going on over there in Japan. It is truely devastating, and makes my heart so sad:( Your post is great, it IS so easy to keep on living our easy life without thinking of the horrors they are facing. Well i hope you have a great day today, and lets just hope things start coming together over there!

jamie said...

on japan: i literally find myself trying to completely ignore it because i just can't handle it. and i'm scared for what may come to california.

everyone calls me bon bon said...

Yes to the little things in life! We mourn, but also have hope for restoration. Out comes joy:-) xoxo