some friends and i often talk about what a weird/ambiguous stage in life being a "twenty-something" really is. that, and the fact that no one seriously prepares you for it.
it's about to be the three year anniversary of when we graduated college. three years! and in these three years i've floated back and forth between feelings of complete aimlessness and loss of passion, to feeling on top of the world and excited for what is to come.
i graduated very much an idealist and have slowly felt myself becoming more of a realist (whether that's a good thing or not i'm still deciding.) i also graduated determined to not stay in orange county (or any place, for that matter) for more than a year and yet three years later, here i am. i never thought i'd get married at 24 and here i am. i thought of my job as a temporary situation when i took it, and i'm still there.
however, i'm okay with it all. i've come to terms with the fact that maybe this is where i am supposed to be right now. that "changing the world" and all of the things that i was determined to do three years ago might look a lot like loving on some orange county high school students for some more time than i planned. and, that the community we've built here isn't something that i want to take lightly.
what's next is still so undetermined and yes, that scares me. a lot. however what i do know is that i'm not okay with being stagnant. i want to keep learning, keep pushing, and keep questioning my purpose in the world. i also know that this stage might last quite awhile longer, and that i need to learn how to embrace it and love it in all of it's ambiguity and uncertainty.
i'm curious if anyone else feels this way? how do you or have you dealt with your twenties?
"Have patience with everything unresolved and try to love the questions themselves."
- Rilke
10 comments:
i think it's time you got crackin on the baby makin.
don't make me do this alone.
also- i've been meaning to tell you for weeks, the first night we were in Cairo, the only english channel was playing really old movies and Scream was on! i thought of you :)
Oh my gosh. I am so there right now. My life is nothing like what I thought it would be. Didn't think I'd be married for sure. Took my job to be temporary as well...still here. I struggle with my dreams and reality all the time. I have a love/hate relationship with my 20's.
someone i know talked to an older gentleman once who said this is the hardest time of your life. it gets better. i think its a strange myth that these are the good ole days. we are not kids and not adults. something in between which is so strange. none of us are where we thought we'd be. i can't wait til i'm 30.
love you erinbug.
i think about this ALL THE TIME! it's amazing how much life happens between 20 and 29. i'm only 22, but i can see it. at least i can see how different my life has looked each year of my 20s so far.
I can completely relate. I am 27 and definitely not where I thought I would be at this age, but so much has happened in my life since I graduated college, that it's hard for me to be completely disappointed in where I'm at in life right now. I never thought I would EVER get married and/or have kids and here I am a year married with babies on the brain. I thought my "career" would be somewhere significant by now and it's just getting started... sort of.
But I don't think I would trade all that I've experienced or learned or all the love I've given and received for my wildest dreams.
Just know you're not along in this feeling. I think most of us twenty somethings feel it. <3
this has nothing to do with this post, but your new? header is so cute, love your polk a dot dress!!!
Hi Erin!
Literally read this post and knew I had to follow your blog. I'm 25, got married three months ago, and opened up my own business about a year ago. On paper it seems I have everything figured out, with a great future in front of me. And while I am the happiest I've ever been (love being a newlywed) I have never been more confused and uncertain about where my life is going to take me in the upcoming years. It's this weird feeling, like 'wow, I'm a grown up now, when the hell did this happen?!" My head is literally all over the place most of the time, and this post totally pulled on my heart strings. You are not alone :)
I've had a lot of similar talks with friends about this lately - it's just kind of an "in between" phase - we're definitely not in college anymore, but most of don't have kids yet, and most of us quite frankly haven't found the "dream job" that we idealistically thought would arrive right after college...it's just an odd time! But at least you know you're not the only one feeling that way!
Alex graduated on Saturday. So crazy. I resonate deeply with your 20 somethings. It is a strange phase of life where I am trying to find my where I belong. We will see where life takes us! Hopefully I will be married and you and Anh Chad can sing a duet at the wedding. : ) less than 2 months to the 4 of July!
You put this so eloquently. I'm right there with you.
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